Monster Monday: Dead Silence

Dead Silence follows Jamie Ashen as he tried to solve his wife’s murder after a mysterious ventriloquist dummy shows up on his doorstep. The mystery leads him to his hometown where a local legend haunts the town.

The overall plot of this movie has a lot of things going for it. Ventriloquist dummies are inherently scary, and you throw in a creepy rhyme and a spooky old lady ghost and it should be a simple scary ghost flick. There is even a clown doll thrown in there for some reason. It should be so simple, and it was just a train wreck. This was the most boring horror movie I have ever seen, and I may be the jumpiest horror movie viewer that has ever existed. I am easy to scare and I giggled my way through this one. It was just so stupid.

The ventriloquist dummy shtick is not new. The Twilight Zone did it in 1962, and R.L. Stine had the “Night of the Living Dummy” series of episodes for Goosebumps in in 1996. If you want a ventriloquist dummy fix, watch those, and skip this one. The entire thing is filmed in this blue tone that looks like the red light in the classroom projector burnt out. The dialogue is bland and forced. The story is borderline incoherent.

Somehow Donnie Wahlberg got roped into this. I can only imagine that he was required to play a cop in something before they gave him his Blue Bloods role and so he picked the dumbest script and did the bare minimum. That is the only explanation for his inclusion in this movie.

So I decided to simple gather some of the dumbest questions I had whilst watching this travesty instead of a straight review, because honestly I just had so many questions. For a fun game watch the movie and then re-read these questions, because I guarantee you’ll have the same ones.

So here goes:

  1. How the hell did the dummy kill the wife? By bad editing?
  2. Why do they keep doing this “something spooky under a sheet thing”?
  3. How many zoom out of someone’s eye cliché shots can they do in a row?
  4. Who are these people in Raven’s Fair? Oh his parents? That’s pretty freaking convenient.
  5. His father looks like shit. Who is this woman with him? A nurse? Oh a stepmom, she’s going to be evil isn’t she?
  6. Aw a crazy woman, she’ll probably have all the answers right?
  7. This backstory is pretty freaking stupid. They couldn’t think of anything besides the “town kills the witch/witch haunts the town” narrative?
  8. So she has a thing for the Ashen family…why does she kill the coroner? And why not his wife?
  9. What kind of cop brings a sawed off shotgun in pursuit of a suspect? Where was he carrying it the whole time? Did I miss it?
  10. Why the heck is there a clown doll, he is the only one that doesn’t look exactly like the others…. but why? Did they just need to fill the clown quota?
  11. Why am I laughing so hard at Donnie’s death? This has no emotional depth!
  12. Why can people hold their breath in movies for a thousand years?
  13. Are you serious about this stupid ending? Are. You. Serious? This is the twist?

If you want a good laugh, and possible a waste of your time, this is the movie for you. I definitely had way more questions, but I’ll leave you to ask your own, because there are plenty. The ending is rushed, the editing is bad, and the plot is predictable but if you want a simple time-filler then this is for you.

Amy’s Recommendation: 1/10


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