Mom’s Movie Week: Noah

So this week is Mom’s Movie Week. Due to a Massachusetts snowstorm I was stuck with my mother in the house for a day. This led to an impromptu movie marathon and thus the basis of this week’s posts.

First up is Noah, the 2014 Russell Crowe epic. If anyone knows my mother, then you probably aren’t surprised the first movie is biblical in origin. It tells the age-old story of Noah, the guy with the ark and the flood, yeah you know the guy. This time he is Russell Crowe, and his family is vaguely British, but not really. It’s very confusing, considering they are ancient Jews…maybe? Jennifer Connolly is his wife. I know. It also doesn’t really fit the ancient mesopotamia vibe, but I guess we’ll allow it.

Visually speaking, it is pretty cool to watch. They did try their best to find an inventive way to tell a story that literally everyone and their grandmother knows. But at times it comes off as a Steampunk Bible story, and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it. There are moments where it looks inventive and new, the montage on the creation of earth is quite stunning and mesmerizing. However, there are some REALLY rough scenes that look 2-dimensional and come across almost as a bad video game. The rock people are the worst CGI ever. They don’t feel real most of the time, and though I’m sure their clunky movements are supposed to be intentional, it comes across as lazy graphics. One scene in particular, when Noah’s family and the main rock thing is walking across an ash field that looks like a rookie green screen job. It’s truly so horrible that it’s distracting. The scenes that are supposed to be epic do look pretty incredible, but it’s all the middle scenes that seem lazy and boring.

I think the worst thing this movie did was not use it’s star power to it’s full potential. The cast includes Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, Emma Watson, and Logan Lerman, and none of them get to show their incredible abilities. The writing isn’t wonderful, so a lot of lines are either mumbled through by Crowe strangely delivered. The best scenes are when they are actually on the ark, because it forces the characters to focus on the more human parts of the story. They are all stuck in there so they have to talk about things, and that is where the cast can truly act and they come through. Emma Watson is easily the best part of the second half, and she does a decent job with what scenes she gets.

I think the most frustrating part of the 2 hour and 18 minute movie is that it just drags along and has random scenes that are an entire waste of time. Never mind how confusing some additions were. My main questions:

Why is there a pangolin dog running around and no other fake animals on the entire ark…how was that relevant? Why would anyone let Russell Crowe sing in a film again, even for a scene, did we forget Les Miserables? Why does Noah visibly age throughout the film but his wife never looks older than the opening scene? Why is Noah’s son a British child in ancient Mesopotamia, then not British adult? Why is the little girl a non-British child that grows up to be British Emma Watson? This is basic continuity,people!

Anyways, I ranted a bit, but it’s not the worst movie ever. It does look pretty cool and they added story in to try and make it feel more original. The fight scenes look pretty cool, and there are moments that are quite beautiful. I give them credit for trying to make something new out of an overdone story and I applaud them for trying to make it an epic, but it just seems to fall a little flat. They just got tangled up in an overly complex plot for such a simple story.

Amy’s Recommendation: 4/10

Mom’s Thoughts:
“It was ok. It was somewhat entertaining, but a little confusing and boring at times.”


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